I thought it was a good idea to adopt 12 stray cats and name them after the months of the year.

I woke up with a new identity as a pirate, complete with a parrot.

I was convinced I was the reincarnation of Elvis Presley.

I became convinced that I was a character in a video game.

I woke up with a legally binding contract to star in a reality TV show about my life.

I ordered 100 pizzas to my ex's house and ate them all by myself.

I got a tattoo of a barcode on my forehead.

I woke up in a bathtub full of jelly beans.

I tried to marry a pizza delivery person.

I started a philosophical debate with a streetlamp and lost.

I decided it was a great idea to run for mayor of my living room.

I woke up with a sock puppet on my hand, and it was telling me what to do.

I found out I had signed up for a knitting club and was the president.

I tried to start a fight with my own shadow.

I joined a jazzercise class and started calling myself "The Dancing Queen."

I woke up pissing in a midget's mouth holding a cabbage in my hand.

I woke up spooning the neighbor's wife. The wife was not happy and neither was my neighbor.

I accidentally called my boss at 3 AM to tell him he was a magnificent unicorn.

I tried to make a grilled cheese in the DVD player.

I woke up in the middle of a cornfield with a scarecrow as my best man.

I convinced myself I was a Jedi and tried to use the Force to open the fridge.

I adopted a cactus and named it Spike, then cried when it "died."

I woke up with my head shaved and a wig glued to my chest.

I tried to swim in a kiddie pool filled with Jell-O.

I decided to start a band with my goldfish.

I woke up to find I had challenged my dog to a dance-off and lost.

I tried to build a spaceship out of tinfoil and cardboard.

I woke up with a note saying I had promised to streak through the town square.

I started a feud with my own reflection in the mirror.

I woke up with a shopping cart full of rubber ducks.

I began hosting tea parties for my imaginary friends.

I woke up with a restraining order from my own mother.

I started a pillow fight with complete strangers in a park.

I decided it was a great idea to paint my house in polka dots.

I convinced myself I was the star of a soap opera and acted accordingly.

I woke up in a chicken costume at the top of a Ferris wheel.

I wrote a 200-page novel about my sock drawer.

I tried to turn my living room into a beach, complete with sand and a kiddie pool.

I found myself giving a motivational speech to pigeons in the park.

I woke up with my car parked in the living room.

I thought it would be fun to start a mosh pit at the grocery store.

I decided I was a professional wrestler and challenged my neighbor to a match.

I woke up in a stranger's bed with no recollection of how I got there.

I started a band called "The Hungover Heroes" and booked a gig.

I tried to ride a bicycle backward down the highway.

I convinced myself I was a spy and started following people.

I woke up with a business card that said "Professional Couch Potato."

I ordered a life-sized cutout of myself and placed it in my boss's office.

I tried to train my cat to fetch the newspaper.

I woke up with a pet rock named "Mr. Pebbles."